It never fails that, during my and Cain’s nightly walk, the moment it hits me that I have to pee is precisely the moment that Cain decides he is tired and thus decides to slow down and “pretend pee” on every, single tree between wherever we are and home. It does not escape me that, as the adult, the human and the only one does not purposely lick gonads in this relationship, I should have learned by now. But here I sit, another evening, just barely having made it back to the household before pissing myself whilst Cain has laid exactly one drop of urine on every tree in the last half mile.
Some other observations from our evening walk…
There are a lot of floral fucking couches in this neighborhood. It’s trash day tomorrow and I saw at least three on the curb in our two mile jaunt tonight. Even more inside the homes. (Yes, I’m that person who stares inside your house while walking by. )
Almost every other house has a kitchen the same color as my kitchen.
One of the homes down the block has a sign made of PVC piping, foam core and vinyl lettering planted among their bushes that reads, “The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear Him.” Now that’s what I like to see – a good Christian message of peace and love.
Directly across the street from the sign o’ rapture is a yard decorated for Halloween which includes a six foot grim reaper pointing directly back at the sign. Spooky.
There is a house at the end of the street that has yellowed newspapers taped to the middle of the windows in their front room. The newspaper doesn’t cover the entire window – there’s a four or so inch gap around all the edges. I assume they are trying to shield the giant six foot flat screen on the wall from the sun. Of course, one would think that if you can afford a six foot flat screen, you could shell out $19.99 at the local IKEA for some fucking curtains… but what do I know? I bought the curtains first and the TV second. You know, so that assholes walking by my house couldn’t peep in and blog about what they see.
