Caution: all sorts of F-bombs ahead. Lots of talk riddled with “fuck” and fat.
I didn’t plan to make any New Year’s resolutions this year. It was such a non-issue that I didn’t even plan not to plan doing such. I never stick to them anyway.
But we’re a few weeks in to 2012 and I find that there is one recurring thought in my head – so much so that perhaps it is okay to label it as a resolution.
I give up guilt.
I have spent far too much of my life feeling guilty. Feeling like I wasn’t good enough – not the perfect wife, not the perfect daughter, not the perfect friend, not the perfect employee, not the perfect anything.
I give it all up.
I like me. I like my sense of humor. I like my empathy. I like my intellect. I like my spirit. I am even *gasp* starting to like my body. It’s likely no one else’s idea of perfect, but it’s mine and damned be all of society – I’m gonna love it.
Fuck your rules and your ideas of good enough, of perfect, of normal. Own your own shit, I’ll own mine.
During the last six months of counseling, I’ve focused a lot on body issues. It’s been a huge source of guilt for me. HUGE. I can’t tell you how many, “If only I was skinnier…” thoughts have run thru my head.
If only I was skinnier… I would have been promoted. My father would be proud of me. My boss wouldn’t be so mean to me. My husband wouldn’t cheat on me. People would respect me more. I wouldn’t be so scared all of the time.
So, yeah… fuck that noise. I give up ALL that guilt.
There are things I want for my body that don’t jive with how it feels right now. I want to be agile and limber, I want to be able to cross my legs and own an entire Tory Burch wardrobe. But I’m not beating myself up because I’m not there yet. Hell, I may never get there – but it’s okay. I’m not going to feel bad about it anymore.
I choose confidence and joy instead.
I’m perfect just as I am.
